“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I warn you; this is not an entirely, ‘happy’ post, though it is still full of hope and determination. I’m so beaten and weathered — at this point — that I may be completely ignorant to any insult that may come because of what I will say; and I am not afraid. I will no longer feel the woe or worry with which one may be attempting to shake me.
I’ve toughened up. Call it — confidence.
I also do not read the comment section.😉
In this post, I’m going to break this verse down a little for you, because, for a long time, I — myself — was absolutely, ‘in love‘ with Love; but I have since discovered that, I did not understand what true Love, actually means, and I ended up getting booted from my home, to be completely separated from those I had confessed my undying love to, for all those years.
My love, had failed.
I watched everything I ever wanted, slip into the far distance — my Bride, our five beautiful daughters — maybe unreachable, forever. Maybe she hated me — it felt like she hated me. It felt like they all hated me.
When I left, I chose not to wander the streets for too long, and I joined a men’s ministry in another city — far away — giving my bride the space, I believe she needed. I knew I needed help and for the first time in my life, I had finally taken the position in which I would allow help; I was open to it. I was — at last — willing. I had hit up every place in town that boasts a helpful slogan, but all I heard were cold responses and — even colder — silence; “Come back later”s and “Have you checked ‘so-and-so’s’ thing?”
Everywhere I went required money; or a credit card — a deposit of some kind — because they wanted security that they would be paid. All the while, I was suicidal, my wife, also, had toyed with the idea of ending it — because of who I had become — and I was believing that she would continue these feelings as I fled the city begging God that I may return a better man.
I had just given up alcohol and every one of my prescription medicines. The Lord said that I did not need to continue the chase for a high anymore.
I knew that I did not need prescription meds — I’ve always known. But now I was free from them. I was able to put them down; they never worked for me, anyway.
The world I was in, though, did not agree with me.
All the while, the words “I do love you,” clanged on the inside of the walls of my head.
Over the summer away, I spent four months in a men’s, ministry home; studying and soaking in God’s Word. I struggled a lot. The turn of events that led to my departure was quite a big shock to me; because I thought I was loving my family; I thought we had barely gone off the mark, and even then, I had believed we were making progress in a good direction. I’ve always believed that.
One day, one of the men in the home — one of the kinder, new faces — asked me to do a study to figure out as to what it truly meant to “love your neighbor as yourself.” I didn’t hesitate; God’s Word had become my food and Love was the prize I was after.
At the time, I was brand new at being aware of things, and I took the challenge seriously; I dug in. I ended up using the little bit of time that I had left with technology — as they later confined permission for the use of the laptop to strictly employment seeking activity — to seek God’s voice on what means to truly show love toward someone.
It was this study that began my soar to the top. Er, well — bottom — but, it’s same thing in the Kingdom of Heaven.
I listened to an hour and a half long sermon on Love. I’m not sure of who it was I listened to, but I started to catch on quickly and began researching the disciples and what their lives looked like as they continued The Way, very early on, after Jesus was crucified. I found that they were all murdered in creative and terrifying ways — just like Jesus and most of the other apostles that walked while the Lord was on the Earth.
John the Baptist, was the first to go. He was beheaded in prison. He was the forerunner; the first of his kind. He gave his life for the Good News.
At the end of the sermon — three pages of notes later — I lay my head on the wearied, pain soaked couch of the ministry home’s, basement living quarters. I didn’t really like what I found; it’s a hard pill to swallow when you really get it.
Here’s a verse to help us get pretty close to the hard-hitting truth — Jesus is speaking in John 15:12;
“This is my commandment:” He starts, “love each other in the same way that I have loved you.”
He makes it quite clear as to what He means, in the next verse;
“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for their friends.”
I could reason all this to only one possible meaning; to love, actually means ‘to die.’
It’s even more than that, really. The Word of God instructs us to love our friends the same as we love ourselves — with limitless grace and understanding — as if we know their circumstances and desires, in and out, even though we may not fully understand. It’s one of the top commands from Christ. And then in Matthew 5, Jesus raises the bar;
He says to “love your enemies” and to “pray for those who persecute you! He says to do good to those around, regardless of anything else in the entire world.
To truly love another person as yourself — I believe — means to go down, on fire and in a magnificent ball of flames; if that is what one is expecting of you and if it ends up displaying a loving heart.
What I discovered, actually, was that my love, wasn’t for me.
Since then, I’ve stopped trying to get people off my back and I decided to just start carrying them the way I’m going.
The leader of the ministry — down south — told me to keep Colossians 3:13 in mind, as I struggled to love those who I had deemed unlovable. It says; “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Man, I had been forgiven for a lot.
It’s obvious that I am not a perfect specimen of what absolutely unadulterated, merciful, life-giving Love looks like, as a person, but none of this is really about me. If you’re looking at me, you are looking at a beat up and — at most times — just, cranky, old man who gets pretty far from the mark.
If you’re looking at me as an example… well — my standard is as high as Jesus’; holiness and perfection in Love.
And I know that “perfect Love casts out all fear” as it says in 1 John 4.
Dude, I’m trying!
I do not feel loved by those around me. I feel rejected, ignored, and judged from a distance. I’ve been sent away and forgotten about so many times in my recent past, that it never was even, funny.
But; oh well.
Love bears all things.
I’ve got no business doing anything about it except to let it all go. I keep no record of wrongs.
Galatians 5 is where I — earlier — quoted Jesus’ thoughts on who it is that should receive our love — it’s everyone — but He goes on; “if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out!” He warns,
“Be careful that you are not consumed by one another.”
1 Peter 1:8 tells us we have an enemy who wants all that; his plan is for us to destroy our own selves. And it seems to be working.
I believe that others’ inability to truly forgive me — and other difficult cases in their lives — is making it difficult, for themselves.
We can toss the blame and dismiss those who hurt us — as easily as we can pick up a joint and feel better for the moment — but I’m not.
I’ve decided to forgive those who are offending me, while they are still offending me; and then try again.
“Love is not self-seeking.”
If you feel that you are not able to move on very easily, that’s okay; I can take it.
I’ve decided to forgive others, and patiently wait for them to find forgiveness in their own walk.
I won’t give up hope that we will all find our Way, either, because I know that “love is patient,” and that it “endures all things.”
I may feel on fire, but it’s not because of those around me; and it’s definitely not drugs, anymore, I’ve been set free from alcohol, nicotine, prescription abuse, aaand THC, again.
Sure, sure, thirteen days free, yea; but I’m not going to, just, sneak out of it. I’m running and flailing my arms about, shouting to the community that I’m doing all that I can to properly love those around me. Even if I can’t do it perfectly, I’ll do it increasingly better as time goes on.
Proverbs 16:6 is my plan. It says that “unfailing love and faithfulness” will make up for the mistakes I’ve made. “By fearing the LORD, people avoid evil.”
Folks don’t really, want me gone; they just want to stop hurting. They point at the sin in me, because it’s the sin that hurts people but, sometimes, it’s not even, for my sins that they treat people badly.
Jesus understands that better than anyone. He did not even, know sin, but became sin; for me. So I can take the blame, I don’t mind; I’m having too much fun in my growing relationship with God to care much about it anymore. I forgive you.
I have a podcast now; God has provided a website that can really help people move on from some really, difficult things. It’s getting really, really good now.
I’m not going anywhere.
Here are the numbers, as of today;
I am now:
-1131 days, alcohol free,
– 1116 days, nicotine free,
– 1042 days, prescription free,
– 13 — entire — days, THC free.
That’s a lot of freedom.
I say it all the time; just keep going. It’s not about you.
Make it about Jesus; in Him, is all the freedom we could ever desire.
You can do it.
God bless your lives, folks, and every single person you come in contact with; believe me, they see it.
Let’s do this again next week.
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