Sooo, December 29th came and went.
It was an important second anniversary of mine. I finally began to see Christ for who He actually is on December 29th, two years ago. The same day I gave up cigarettes.
I told Jesus I couldn’t do it, that I wasn’t in control. I asked Him to take it from me, and He did, that very second. And every single day after, the light of the Word gets brighter and brighter to me, as I follow its words to the best of my understanding. The abundance of John 10:10 has bloomed into our lives and continues to produce blessings.
Today has been an epic adventure. This whole week has been full! Looking back, as I think… we haven’t stopped since the week of Christmas!
We threw a surprise party for my 14 year old. Her birthday lands between Christmas day and New Year’s Eve. She is a quiet one. Shy, and awkward. She likes to hide in the dark and read or… honestly, I don’t know what she does. She doesn’t really like anything, or won’t admit to it but, I gather my intel…
Ella is the most sensitive. Her daddy, when she was a little girl, was super selfish and insensitive, and that created trauma for her. So when I found a big, available location to throw her something special, I jumped at the chance.
We picked foods she’d love and random decorations that made no sense. She’s spontaneous and enjoys breaking the rules when she’s allowed, cause she’s not a rule breaker, so everything included for the party was kind of outside the box. I ironed on designs I made and printed up, onto shirts and hoodies. Oddball sayings and whatnot. Black decorations were everywhere, but also… rainbow, cause, it was her request.
She won’t ever admit she liked any of this. In fact, one of my gifts to her was ‘not pushing so hard to be involved,’ cause she’s put off by that. I hid as best I could, quiet as a mouse. Her best friend showed up. And her family was there. No one else. The food was great, it was over quick and she felt like the center of someone’s life for a moment, but not too long. It was perfect for Ella.
Her and her mother have a trip coming up. Ella came to us, as I was newly moved in, early in my return, with a request to go on an extravagant trip. I’m talking, 12 days, 10 cities, 3 countries, tours, shows…all expense paid. An absolute ludicrous request for us at the time and for our past life style standard in general. We aren’t “traveling overseas” people. We could never afford that.
But now, she is going to Switzerland, Germany and Austria. She’s going to Dachau to learn about the Holocaust. They’re taking a “Sound of Music” tour. They are going to stand atop the Swiss Alps….
It was impossible, for us. We couldn’t do anything like that…no way.
I talked Brittany into going as well. (Which wasn’t that hard, she had monthly payments set up that night.) And now, it’s two thirds of the way paid off. They both have their passports in hand. They are going. It’s wild.
This evening, driving up to church for a meeting about a youth trip for two of our teens, Alexis, our newly speaking 3 year old, asked her common phrase as of late… “What’s that!?”
Her response, after Anna, age 9, pointed to the building ahead, saying “that’s church,” was wonderful.
“My church,” Alex corrected her.
It was in almost, the exact spot God asked me and I told Him the same thing, as I walked into church that one morning. “This is my church.”
I smiled. She’ll be 3 years old next week, and this is her church.
God is cool. He speaks through things in parallel. Somehow, all the preachers I hear, end up speaking on the same verse that’s in my daily devotional that day. Then my pastor will send me his thoughts, lining up in the same line. Lots of what I see and hear throughout the day often reinforce the same topics, repeatedly. Lately, it’s been the value of being hurt and still responding in love.
I just finished reading a book called “Compelled.” It’s about being the hands and feet of Jesus. About leaving the regulations of the church behind and becoming uncomfortable, or being willing to place our lives in danger, or giving up our preconceived ideas of what “true religion” is, in order to actually show people love and what the name of Christ on our shirts really means.
It means absolute surrender. It means giving up our chase and accepting the value of receiving an offense correctly.
It means to absolutely suffer. The very worst way possible. And truly, the worse the suffering, the better. Because when we are hurt by the world and love them instead of hurting them in return, they see Jesus. They actually see Him! It’s how we show them!
That’s what Jesus did. He let them kill Him… To say; “God so loved the world.”
You can’t do anything bad enough to be rejected, except never grab ahold.
To allow myself to experience the ultimate insult, without any retaliation, is the most challenging thing I’ve ever tried to master. Giving up everything that I think is injustice and allowing God only, to judge those around me. And leaning into it, not shrinking back. Not just being nice when someone is unpleasant, but, going to Haiti to help in a disaster relief, even though you might certainly die. They’ll see Jesus in that. I promise you.
That’s what Bob Morrison did in his book. He went where people didn’t want to go. He went after being told not to. He went where he might not return. Where he might die. The end.
He went anyway.
He knew that keeping his life here on earth wasn’t the point. ‘Not going’ is self preservation. That’s what causes you to miss it. Jesus said;
“Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:25)
He also said “Go…” in chapter 28. He tells us to go, anywhere, and basically…everywhere… Wherever it takes. We must be willing, at all costs, to live Christ-like, even if it means being a martyr, like Christ.
The world absolutely loves sorrow that’s handled with meekness. When we forgive or overlook offenses, the world around us short circuits. Kindness is a piece of code that is unusual to the processor. It basically causes our brains to reboot. When we respond differently than someone is expecting, it catches them off guard, to the point where, their computer sees it as a glitch and restarts. For a few waking moments, they are able to see the words of the Bible in action. They go off autopilot. They look up and see something new, something real.
It’s practically a portal, through you, to Jesus.
In whom, is a portal to God, Himself.
Get it?!
In living this way, though, I’m learning that giving up self-preservation is actually the most freeing thing imaginable. Not getting what I want has been the most valuable part of growing into a mature Christian. Understanding the value of holding your tongue in a heated moment, then actually being able to hold your tongue, and theeeaan, to be able to generously (and joyfully) give good things to the offender instead, is priceless! Priiiiiiiceless!
Giving up self-preservation, i. e. “picking up our cross,” “laying down our life,” becoming the last, the lowest, has led us to this point of abundant blessings from our Father, Himself.
My wife teared up this morning when I told her Alexis would be attending dance class in the evening. Our girls are now involved in theater. Ballet, jazz, you name it.
I’ve always wanted ballerina daughters. I think my Bride has too.
I petition God, daily, to give my wife the best marriage. I started this prayer almost two years ago. I had a blast watching my 2 year old dance in her seat, copying the girls on stage as we sat enjoying the ballet we attended on Sunday. But, just in my peripheral, I also saw my Bride, enjoying her 2 year old, dancing in that seat at the theater.
I like that very much.
We had the author of the book, Bob, and his wife, over, for salmon this past week. He pastors at our church. The, ‘quite simple’ meal, looked extremely fancy and ended up being seriously delicious. It had them super enamored, but I didn’t mean for it to be so impressive! It just happened.
I hadn’t gotten as far into his book when I first asked him to come, and over the next few days, as I cruised through each page, seeing a bit more of Bob with each word, I kind of gained some insight about who he is.
I was searching for someone to help me, and for a long time, feeling left out, ignored, stiff armed, even by the churches, (especially in the church). Bob reached out to me, from the church. I didn’t really know who he was, but we’ve started hanging out and feeding people. We’ve been having fun being Jesus’ hands and feet, a lot lately. But I had continued my search for accountability, keeping my ears open for any good leads, even though, one day Bob agreed to a mentorship relationship.
I don’t know if I believed him. I was willing…waiting, but, the position remained open.
It’s funny, because, I just wanted to get him off his feet for a lunch. And I just wanted to serve in the church. I didn’t expect the guy I was looking for, to already, be sitting at our dining room table, telling us; it “feels like home,” digging into the chocolate cake Brittany made, talking about his book, and what we can do together.
We’re awake now. We got off autopilot. We give our lives up, daily, anyway we can, but we’re alive, and thriving. Christ defeated death. When we die to ourselves, now, we get the life of Christ. And wow, it’s abundant!
It’s the only way to live. So commit yourself to love, seek Him in all things, and He will show you the right way to impossible victory.
And loads of blessing.
Love you all.
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