Did I do enough? I don’t know… maybe I did.
I had a friend who liked drugs. And, she knew about God. We talked a lot, through all the stages of my roller coaster. She was like me, she knew she was messed up. We both talked of how hard things were and also of how Jesus is the only way.
But I never really knew how sincere she was. I knew she wanted to do right, but neither of us knew what right was, so we both just kept messing up. I never actually, ever heard her say the name of Jesus.
I sat by a lot and watched her mess up so many times. Sometimes I would try to help, sometimes I was too wrapped up in my own junk.
I prayed with her, though. I complained with her, pointed out inconsistencies in life, blacklisted other people with her. We prayed for people. I prayed for her. We smoked weed. Traded some Tylenol-3’s and I quoted Bible verses.
Then one day, at quite a young age, she passed away.
Robin overdosed a little while after I quit drinking. I was a mess at the time. We visited her in the hospital shortly after she was found. She was already gone but her blood was slowly pumping. She wasn’t here anymore. Robin spent some time in that condition before she passed and that time gives me a bit of hope as I think of the rest of her eternity.
Did Robin make it? Does she get to spend eternity with God? I don’t know how it works, but I hope, somewhere in that dreamland, somewhere before leaving her life here, she screamed out the name of Jesus louder and harder than she’s done anything in her life. Maybe, in those last, fleeting seconds, she saw something that turned her soul to Christ, entirely. Or maybe it was before that.
I mean, it wasn’t up to me. It was predetermined from the onset of time, but did I help? Was it enough? Did I do anything to steer her the wrong way?
Probably! I can’t imagine my life leading her entirely to Jesus. I don’t remember, really. Sometimes her words lined up with a person who just barely received God’s forgiveness, other times you could see her making choices that, clearly did not support that theory, at all. But then again, I was the same. And I have changed…
Maybe, maybe the fruit of her salvation had not even bloomed into flower yet. There’s hope.
I wish I knew though. For sure, that she went with Jesus. It’s a difficult thing, that I do not know.
In some people’s stories, I’m a real, bad guy. In some, I’m the guy charging extra for your 8th or stealing your charcoal off your porch. I’ve been the loud, rude customer, the silent, obstinate grudge holder, and the liar/manipulator.
But in others, I’m a random stranger who prayed with them on the empty bus that Sunday morning. I’m the guy who stayed and swept when everyone took off, using the opportunity to tell them about Jesus. To some people, I’m the guy that cried with them. To some, I’m a pastor. Already.
I’m not, so don’t jump to conclusions, but here’s the point; it matters, about attitude, awareness and intentionality, in every split second of your lives. What you do, to every single person, at every single encounter, matters so, so much. Because, if we want to show Jesus to someone, when we’ve only got 2 minutes with them, we’ve got to be prepared. We can’t be caught, even once, embracing sin. More importantly even, is the example we leave to those who don’t exit our lives so quickly.
“More is caught than taught.”
It’s a common phrase when referring to training a child, but I believe it works in all capacities.
Imagine being hired at a steel mill. It’s your first day and the trainer insists that you wear heat resistant gloves, 100% of the time. But as you watch him throughout the days learning your job, you see he never, once, puts his own gloves on.
I imagine that most people would get a completely different message than what the words that were said were trying to convey. Something more like, “eventually, gloves are optional.”
So, look, our actions have got to match up with our words if we are going to make the biggest positive effect we can. We cannot confess faith in the unending riches and goodness of Christ and also shout profanities from our car window.
James 3:9- “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.”
It goes on to talk about how there is no spring with both fresh water and salt water. How each tree bears fruit of its own kind and does not make anything else, but its own fruit. It’s similar to saying; “to appear as a legitimate, faith filled, loving, supportive Christian,” you actually have to be a faith filled, loving, Bible believing Christian. Those verses make it clear, that if you find yourself indifferent about how you treat others, or if, maybe, you are justifying something to get your way…
Which fountain are you? If someone close to you, passed away today, would you be sure that you did everything you could do to get them to Jesus?
Don’t leave it open ended. Go deeper, or go back.
God is real. It’s not embarrassing to speak to a really, real being. The ones who should be embarrassed are the ones who would deny that the most amazing Truth out there even exists.
I chose, over two years ago, to go deeper and deeper. I chose to go all in. I decided that if it takes an entire lifetime to get to Christ, then that was what I was gonna have to give it, no matter what. I haven’t regretted it once. And I wake up daily, fighting to continue the race. To be the victor and not just the victim.
And I’m insistent on becoming the picture of Jesus, the perfect Man, to everyone I come across.
…boy, is it hard! And I do fail. Like, two thousand times a day. But I’m doing a lot more these days to show those around me, the Man I know that changes things.
I just sat down after hours, even days, of work for the church. I led the meal tonight for the local food pantry. I cooked 15lbs of fried rice. And I put every bit of know-how and tenderness into it that I could muster. Yesterday, my bride cooked about a hundred chocolate chip cookies for firefighters, police officers and first responders. We made creative chocolate candies in abundance, for them as well.
We’ve invited so many people to church this week, I’m not sure we could count it up.
I’ve been asked to lead a community group that teaches cooking. I feel God provided a route to volunteers that not only are currently honing their cooking skills, but are also interested in cooking. Meaning, we can overlap the concepts and do a class wherein, we prep for the meal we are going to serve at the pantry that month.
It’s odd writing from this perspective. When I first started writing, I was alone in a different city, pretty much a different person. No family, no home… It took a bit, but, I am receiving God’s blessings. All the things He promised… it’s coming to life.
It’s not hard now. It’s not embarrassing either. You are crazier than me if you risk denying the Almighty, Omniscient Being who is only hidden to the spiritually blind, the selfish, the arrogant. The God of all creation who cannot even look upon sin. He’s too real.
It’s not about doing enough. God gave Robin all she needed to follow Him, and in the end, she chose for herself, either way.
But if I can just show people a peek of what He shows me, just enough to get them hooked. They’ll start seeking for more and never stop.
I won’t wonder if I did all I can anymore… I’ll know.
This comes out on Friday, but I can’t wait. Merry Christmas, folks. Spread the truth.
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