I was in the breezeway a moment ago. The children are at school, the youngest, asleep with her mother.
It’s quiet.
Like, for once, in some very long months.
It’s nice.
I had earbuds in, sitting on the stairs. The cool autumn air, on the last hot day of the summer, blowing through the passway.
The song began to play…
I began to remember the last time I really listened to that song.
I was alone. I stopped at a park just before a long shift as a dishwasher.
I was miserable. And, at the time, my wife and I were almost comfortable with texting on a regular basis, but not really yet. I felt so close to my family but they were still so far away.
I cried there that day, as I walked the 4 minutes, from the front of the park to the back, and hurried on to the work shift.
I spent those moments telling God that I was ready to break. I had to ask when it would be over. I was in misery. Life was amazing. But inside, all I wanted was my family. I wanted to be home.
And I worshipped Him.
The refrain in the song says “Allllll my loooove is Yooo-oouurs!!”
I gave it to Him. I cried. And I went to work.
Then, on break… my Bride sennt me a text about being sick.
It opened a door for a few words. I could be kind to her. It gave me the bit of motivation I needed to finish the shift and send a well thought out text, which didn’t happen often.
…This moment., right now. This quiet, lovely moment;
He’s here.
In 1 Kings, Elijah was instructed to go out and stand on a mountain, and that God was going to pass by.
Then, a huge wind like, literally tore the mountain apart, kinda, but God wasn’t “in it.”
After that an earthquake did some damage but it said the same thing, God was not in it.
Again, fire. No God.
But theeeaaaen, “a still small voice” like a whisper, or a breeze… God was in it.
The breeze today? God was in it.
It’s been a crazy ride. Months of seemingly absolute chaos and noise. And… it’s been difficult to hear God’s voice… I’m in the dark. But every once in a while, God shows up and reminds me how wonderful He really is.
Video games and excitement? God’s not in that.
The new job turmoil, paychecks, bills… He’s got it covered, don’t worry.
Kids fighting, the baby crying, questions, questions, questions. Arguments… Bad days…
That’s the war. We’re not failing, we’re fighting. We’re winning.
God met me in the breeze today. He’s in the quiet moments. The “behind doors” moments.
And I noticed how He treats me so well, like a parent that can’t get angry. He works so well with my stupidity. He’s so understanding.
I began to see, what I saw as a mess, was what he saw as cute. A toddler, fumbling so badly into the couch, face-first on his very first few attempts to walk. A parent would laugh! It would be so cute! “Nice try,” you know? “Get up. Try it again.”
*Pulls child up by the arm.
God said, “see… that’s cute.”
But I quickly began to become embarrassed, for being so primitive and disagreeable. Almost as quickly, though, He retorted;
“Embarrassed isn’t cute.”
And immediately realized, I had looked back at myself receiving His gift, instead of looking at Him, while receiving it!
Thank You, Lord. I’ve made so many mistakes in this family, and seem to still be making them. But, You meet the parts where I don’t meet up. Cause, I know my mistakes in this life should have already taken me out…but I’m still here. My family… my Bride… My PS5… 😅
All here.
And I’m not embarrassed about it.
I’m a complete mess.
And so far…
…so good.
Glory be to God!
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