This entry was written near the end of the separation between my family and I. The exact date is unknown.
“I WILL NOT STOP.
Sadness is a lie.
I am achieving a glory. These struggles are nothing. Everything is a lie.
I will JUST KEEP GOING. Stop satan. Stop, in Jesus’ name.
I choose God.
I am His child. I am alive, everything else is a dream. Brittany is nice, but she is not real. Her words are not real. This job is not real. I am in a stream and I have no choice but to flow. God is in control. Misery is a lie. I do not feel despair.
Nothing here is real. Nothing here is real. Nothing here is real.
I may sound crazy. But crazy is not real. God IS REAL.
LORD, help. I wanna go home and I know that that feeling of despair is not real.
Maybe things exist. Maybe they are real, in a way. But what I see of them is fake. My eyes are broken. Their eyes are broken. Every action is perceived in a different light than it was sent with. Every word is multiple times distant from its original meaning. Nothing is as it seems. Do not despair though, there is One, outside all of this misdirection and He is caring for me.
He CAN see. He can, and already has overcome the despair, the confusion, the doubt, the fear.
You will see. He has you. He has your wife. He has your kids. Love Him. That’s all, just flow, and love that He has you.
Your wife is fine, and it doesn’t matter if she likes you or trusts you, or talks to you. It’s all, at most, based on a lie. God will bring that lie out to the light.
You ARE doing what it takes. You’ll be in heaven, you’ll enjoy your wife. You’ll be more happy than you could ever imagine.
Remember…
It’s just a season. This is a very short life. It’s almost over. You may cry. But everything is going to be ok.
Hands up, okay? And smile, it’s almost over.
See what Saturday brings. See what next week brings. Just wait, and be okay with waiting. But don’t believe what you see.
Believe Me.“
–Home–
From Death to Life 
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