Psalms 23:3
“He refreshes my soul. He guides me along right paths for His name’s sake.”
8:51 AM
Blip*
What month is it?
What city am I in?
This summer has been an intense one!
Last April, I returned to my family in their new apartment, in their hometown. The restraining order ended about 2 months ago and the adventure has been breathless the entire time.
God once said something to me that is almost sort of embarrassing to say out loud, but when thought about, makes a lot of sense.
I felt Him say that, now, I couldn’t lose my Bride. That I am incapable of doing what it takes to lose her.
At first thought, maybe…yea, this seems like a dangerous thought pattern and a road best not steered down. I’m not saying it’s impossible for me to make a mistake. Relying on the fact that the relationship is solid, is actually a sure sign of foundational cracks, but hear me out;
Inside here, in this cabeza, I know I’m a changed guy. My thoughts wanna be different so much that they have actually become different! My thought processes, ruts and neuro pathways are all new and carved afresh! My “wanter” wants differently. I’m not out wandering day by day why I’ve taken such a stance on any particular item, arbitrarily changing my mind as often as the day, itself, changes. The Bible has something to say about everything, and I’m firm on believing and obeying that book. And if I do that, I believe I’ll never get too far from just where I’m supposed to be.
The enemy is formidable. Yea. But get this! Oh, grace is amazing!
He says here in Psalms 23, that HE guides us, personally, in the right direction, at the right time, as He pleases. And, absolutely, He does it because He loves us.
Buuuut, here, it says it’s “for His name’s sake.”
…
So, He cares for us…for His honor?
(Right here the weight of a blanket of responsibility, shame, stress, and guilt gets lifted off of someone’s shoulders.)
‘You aren’t ever going to give up on me cause, YOU need me to prosper.’…
It meeeeans that EVEN if I’m not “good enough,” He’ll help me. It meeeeans that even if I make mistakes, HE ultimately wants me to do well and, free from human emotions and weaknesses, He knows exactly the right way and is able to lead me there.
So I WILL get there. It’s out of my control now. He will get me where I need to be, when I need to be there. Every time.
Yaaaaaaaay!
And;
I’ve embraced this life. Wherever I live, whatever is going on, good or bad, ups or downs, it’s all good stuff. Difficult, challenging, but… Experience.
A conversation with a friend over the past few days has covered this topic quite well;
“Today I was just really thinking how I’m fine with this. Maybe I’ll work here for 30 years doing the same things and retire. Maybe, instead of looking over the fence to see what “that” life is like, I’ll just saver the type of life “that guy” will never know.”
I texted;
“Jimmy Fallon would never relate to 99% of my experiences.”
“I donno why I’m not a starving child in Pakistan, or Asia.
I appreciate that I’m not.“
Everything is valuable.
If we’re waiting for eternity to start, before beginning to enjoy things, well…that’s a weird thing to wait for, you know?
And I always wanted to be “successful”, but I realize that my interpretation of success included being “famous.”
But really, take out “famous” or “well-known for,” and I am successful. Not wildly wealthy (yet) but… okay… Quite well actually… Good enough.
(I never actually wanted huge fame, just a generally well respected reputation and clout at some business. To be “boss” and hit the lake for the week.)
But think about it. If you lived for an eternity, and had a chance to live the exact life you wanted, and over and over again you had the option to pick your life… I bet you would eventually pick a different life to live through. With different amounts of money and different sorts of struggles and different social treatment. You’d get bored of perfection and would eventually desire to experience even the most derelict of life circumstances.
So, it’s all great. God is guiding me and refreshing me, cause, He is invested in me. It’s in His best interest to give me what is absolutely best for me. AND, it’s amazing because He loves me and has been extremely kind to me. I lack nothing and I deserve hardly a crumb.
Maybe it’s not ‘running a company’ or “being important.” Maybe it is just going to work 40 hours a week and laundromat trips and exhausted Saturdays… Oh well. It’s amazing. Living life in a small town, in the middle of nowhere. Good job with benefits, wonderful family, truck, and a nice, quiet place to live. (That’s, quiet on the outside. Inside is anything but…)
It’s Saturday morning. I’ve picked up my Bride from work and she is asleep in the bed as we speak. I’ve been pruning this gorgeous Surfinia plant for 45 minutes on the balcony of the two story apartment building. It’s a beautiful 78° and a cloudy morning with a cool breeze.
He’s promising that He’ll keep us together…
I will not doubt that.
I could screw it up.
But just because I trust God to make sure that I do not break it, doesn’t mean I don’t understand that I do have the ability to make it or break it.
I trust God to use me at work. I trust God to correct me when I’m parenting improperly. I trust God to “guide me in paths of righteousness,” and to do it for my sake…
And His.
We can’t always be trying to make more, upgrade, improve life. At some point we have to decide to be happy with what we have.
I’m happy with what I have.
I trust God. He’s true to His word..
…
…
Oh my, am I happy with what I have!
Have a good day.
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